Marriage and ED: Lovingly Living With It

by frank on August 23, 2011

Marriage is a partnership

Marriages go through a lot of challenges as years pass by and progress. Financial necessities, growing children, careers, individual ambitions and aspirations, professions – these are just few of the things that tremendously affect the quality of relationship between couples. One challenge that can also affect a marriage relationship is erectile dysfunction or ED.

The good thing about those who went into marriage with their eyes “open” and their hearts committed is that they understand that marriage is a partnership; and for those who truly love their partners, they would do anything to make a relationship last.

ED is known to negatively affect relationships. But, if you are one of those who’s willing and open to learn how to cope and live with ED, here are some information that can help you do just that.

Sometimes, wives of men who have ED blame themselves for the problem. They think that they are no longer attractive that’s why the husband is having a difficult time getting stimulated. Some men also do the same; they blame their wives for their ED problem. It is important that both husband and wife understand that ED is a medical problem and there are now ways to address this condition. There is help.

To deal with ED, therefore, communication is vital. The husband should talk about his problem to his wife, and the wife has to help her husband in any way possible. One significant way that a wife can make a difference is by telling her husband that she is with him all the way; that she is willing to help him and support him. By showing commitment and support, the husband will be more willing to address the problem and seek medical help.

For Wives

Do your best to find out as much as you can about ED. Knowing about ED can do much as the more you know about it, the more you’ll be able to support your husband or partner. When getting treatment for ED, both of you should agree on the method that you think is best for your condition.

Communication is Essential in Marriage

Surely your partner has done his part in finding out as much as he can about ED (probably without letting you know about it). The best that you can do is to assure him that ED is common and is a very treatable medical condition.

Assure him also that ED is has not diminished his masculinity; that he is still the man you know him to be; and that he will always be that man for you.

Motivate your partner or husband to live a healthier lifestyle. On your part, prepare healthier meals. This will tell him that you care about his health and his well-being.

If he’s okay with it, accompany him when he meets with his doctor. Always show him that you care; and if at first try some medications will not give the desired result, assure him that there are many other options for successful treatment.

Most importantly, remind yourselves that sexual intimacy is only a part of a loving relationship. There are many ways to express love, and ED should not be made a reason to stop loving each other.

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Researchers from Harvard found that optimists, people who are disposed to take a favorable view of things, have lower blood pressure levels, heart disease rates, and are generally healthier and happier. Moreover, health experts are saying that optimism greatly reduces the risk of stroke.

People face life’s challenges in different ways. Some people have no difficulty “bouncing back”. There are, however, people who have difficult time coping with troubles and challenges in life. They are often referred to as “pessimists”, people who look at the glass “half-empty”.

Unfortunately for people who are like this, one thing is very certain, the more they focus on the negative; they end up more stressed, unhappy, miserable, and unhealthy. Yes, negativity causes stress which eventually causes health problems. People who are stressed have weaker immune system which makes them prone or susceptible to illnesses and/or diseases. On the other hand, people who have sunny dispositions are healthier and live longer lives. According to University of Pittsburgh Medical Center internist Hilary A. Tindle, MD, MPH, attitude matters when it comes to heart disease and health.

So, what is there to do? Fortunately, medical experts say that something can be done to combat negativity or pessimism – by changing a person’s outlook for the better.

How? Here are some suggestions on how to cultivate and stay on the brighter side of life; how to effectively manage and cope with stress.

1. Focus on What’s Good in Your Life.

There’s a song that says “count your many blessings and name them one by one … There is great truth in this counsel. As one focuses on the good things one has in life, the trials, the challenges, the hardships – all these actually becomes less difficult and more bearable in the end.

Martin Seligman, PhD, a psychology professor at the University of Pennsylvania, published a study in 2005 which asked a group of people to complete the “Three Good Things” exercise. The exercise required the subjects of the study to write three things that went well that day and explain they happened. The subject did this every night for six months. The result was surprisingly pleasant: at the end of the study the participants were happier and less depressed than when they started. The study showed that by forcing the respondents to think about why good things occur in their lives, they started to see their lives in a more positive way, which helped them become more optimistic of their future.

2. Recognize Everything that You Are Grateful For

Gratitude is a very important part of optimism. A 2003 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology suggested that there is a strong relationship between having a grateful attitude and a heightened sense of well-being.

Some people suggest keeping a stress diary; I suggest the opposite: Keep a gratitude journal! List down everything that you are grateful for at the end of the day and be assured that as you reflect upon all of them, you will be surprised at how good life really is. This realization will surely help you feel better.

3. Make an Effort to Feel Better – It’ll Come Around

According to Mark C. Brown, PhD, psychologist and author of the upcoming book entitled Live Like a Window, Work Like a Mirror, the mind can be tricked into feeling better by making it respond chemically as if things were going well. He further explained that a genuine smile and a forced smile cause the same chemical reactions in the brain, so when a person acts in an optimistic way, when he smiles, laughs, tells a joke, the mind responds positively.

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